This is going to be a short one folks. Today Dav went fishing for the first time, or as close as a six month old can get. I mean, she was in my wrap while I tried to cast the pretty unfortunate rod and reel provided by our neighborhood association. It was nice to be out by the water (even our small "pond") and Dav did get to see some ducks, so that was cool. We then came home to watch football and I got to see my Saints destroy the Cardinals, which was lovely. I made a fantastic chicken and sausage gumbo and drank a very tasty Abita Mardi Gras Bock beer. It was as close to a perfect day as you can get in Texas, as far as I'm concerned. Hope everyone else enjoyed their Saturday as well.
And, for good measure: Who Dat!?!?
With Dav so embracing her routine, it's got me thinking about stability. My little girl is happiest knowing exactly what's coming next and what to expect from her day. I wish I could give her that on a bigger scale. It's frustrating as a parent to know that the rug could come out from under your kid at any time.
I tend to be most content when my possessions are at a minimum and my situation is steady. I don't like my life being cluttered with too many material things, but I live with someone who places a pretty high value on stuff. Our apartment, which isn't tiny by any means, is overflowing. We seem to constantly be accumulating more and more. Not all of it is our doing, as we have wonderful, generous families who like to get things for us and for Dav that we aren't able to on our own. I'm extremely grateful for this, because I wouldn't ever want my daughter to go without, but it's starting to feel a little bit all-consuming.
Before I got knocked up, I was completely satisfied to live shift-to-shift (as I've always had jobs where it was more about cash in hand than a paycheck). I never did buy much, except for thrift store clothes, books, and kitchen gear. Even so, I would purge at least twice a year and get rid of most of it because I'm just not one to hold on to things. Now I live in a sea of toys, clothes, very large furniture, electronics and knick knacks. My six month old has way more toys than she'll ever have time to play with, clothes with tags still on it that she is already to big for, and half a million keepsakes that we'll probably never do anything with. J has more clothing, dvds, and wires (to who knows what) than any sane person should and the most giant pieces of furniture I have ever encountered. Not to mention eight million chotchkies (which I am zealously NOT a fan of). I have an abundance of books, as well as too many cake pans, whisks, and clothes that don't fit.
My physical space feels so out of balance with all of these things around. I don't understand how this mountain of stuff can keep growing while our security and situation don't get any better. I think that is an inversely proportionate relationship, and it needs to start heading in the other direction. I need less stuff, more stability.
I wish I knew how to get there.
I never would have imagined being on a schedule would make my daughter so happy. I always thought we would just go through our days doing whatever, whenever. I accepted that a bedtime routine could be beneficial, but I honestly thought I would never go beyond that for Dav before she hit her school-aged years.
I have been struggling with a little one who was increasingly fighting her sleep and getting crankier and crankier as the day wore on. I decided to watch her for a week to see if a daily pattern emerged on it's own. I made note of what times throughout the day she started exhibiting signs of sleepiness, or hunger, what times she was really wanting to be engaged or left to play on her own. To my surprise I saw a definite pattern after three days of watching.
It hit me slightly less hard than the realization that maybe she didn't want to co-sleep anymore had hit me. My kid is craving structure in her day. So I wrote a schedule around her natural timer.
The schedule is less rigid in the morning. I follow Dav's lead which will sometimes veer up to thirty minutes off of the schedule, and then bring it in tighter as the day winds down. By the time she's ready to go down for her last nap of the day, she's right on target.
Her mood and her willingness to go to bed at night (or even just down for a nap) are greatly improved. We'll keep with it for as long as it keeps working for her. I'll share our schedule with you, in case anyone is interested! Hope you are all enjoying the end of the work week!
That's right. You read that correctly. My amazing little bear said 'Mama.'
Dav had her six month well check today. We found out that she is just about 19lbs, 29ins, and in perfect health. She has reached, and surpassed, all the expected developmental milestones. We did her regular 6 month vacs, but no flu shots. I discussed with her pediatrician why we would not be putting her on cereal or vitamin supplements, and we got the OK to go ahead with meat and dark leafy greens. All in all, a good pedi visit.
Unfortunately, Dav has not been in a great mood since getting her shots. She's been a little cranky and a little clingy, so we've mostly been cuddling and taking it easy. She seemed to be feeling alright, so I set her down to play while I worked on a little bit of laundry. She started to complain, but not really fussing so I figured she would be ok for the minute or two it would take me to finish. I walked into the living room with my arms full of clothes to fold and then it happened. She scrunched up her little face and furrowed her little brow and very firmly declared 'Mama!' She didn't say 'ma' or 'mamamamama' or even 'mahmah' but 'mah-muh!'
I dropped the clothes and there is now laundry all over my floor, but I couldn't possibly care less. I ran to pick her up and jumped up and down saying (screaming?) 'You said Mama! You said Mama!' over and over again and then smothered Dav in kisses until she was pushing to get away from me.
Today is a day for the baby book, and one I will never, ever forget!
While thinking about what to make for dinner, my cousin called me to ask a question about a recipe she's using to make her own dinner tonight. I like when things like that happen. My cousin (who also happens to be one of my best friends) was thinking about making dinner at exactly the same time I was. It makes me feel connected to her even though she's so far away.
Most of the people I'm very close to live far away from me. Even the people who are only a few hours away are difficult to see on a regular basis. I know it would be a step towards greater security in my sanity to try and build more close relationships with people here in my adopted city. So I'm venturing, fingers crossed, into the world of meetups.
Two attachment parenting meetups exist in my area, and I've joined both - at least in theory, I've yet to go to an outing for either yet. I have attended the first two meetups for new and expecting mothers at my midwife's birthing center. It was pretty easy for me to decide to go to meetings at the center, since I already felt comfortable there and knew at least one person who would be there.
My next step is to attend an event for one of the AP groups, but I'm seriously nervous about that prospect. It's probably silly, but other parents intimidate me. Especially ones who practice a similar parenting style to mine. I feel like I'm going to be judged 'not green' enough or not 'AP' enough. I feel like driving up in my (beloved, but giant and gas-guzzling) mommy-mobile, carrying my target diaper bag, and handing Dav one of her (not natural rubber, locally made, nor organic) toys will make me some kind of pariah - or at least a target for some behind the back sniggering from crunchier moms and dads. I wish trying to be environmentally considerate and a conscientious parent didn't so often feel like a competition with other like-minded people.
Personally, I don't care if one of us is 'greener' or if someone else's kid loves being in a stroller versus a carrier. I just want an occasional chance to talk to someone who has a clue what I'm saying and can respond intelligently instead of just looking at me and wondering when the milk is coming.
So, I'll let you all know how it goes. Until then, have a good one!
Six months ago today by precious little girl was born. It's crazy how quickly this past half-year has gone. Every moment of it has been so dear to me, even the really difficult ones. I never knew how much love I had inside me, probably because I never had anything tap into it the way she does.
Motherhood has made me a stronger, more patient, less controlling, more confident, and less selfish woman. This little baby that grew inside of me and changed my heart, mind, and body completely is growing into her own little person, and it is a breathtaking process to witness. She is already fiercely independent and very much of the "I can do it myself" mindset, which makes me so proud. Her already strong drive to be self-sufficient is something unbelievable valuable, but I still very much treasure those moments when she is sleepy/hungry/upset/whatever when only mommy's lap/arms/milk/kisses will make it all better again.
Happy half-Birthday my baby-bear! Mommy loves you bigger than the Texas sky, longer than the Mississippi, and harder than a Louisiana rainstorm. I wake up everyday thankful and happy for every choice I've ever made - good, bad, easy, or hard - that brought you to me.
I hope you all are well and have a lovely day.
I suspect that many of those close to me felt sure that parenthood would "cure" me of my agnosticism. I think many hoped that the "miracle" of childbirth and the overwhelming sense of love and peace I get when I look at Dav (that most parents get when looking at their little ones) would leave me certain that we are all children of a benevolent creator.
I definitely felt a connectedness in the moments following Dav's arrival - due in large part, I believe, to the chemicals produced by my body to allow me to deal with the pain of childbirth. Those moments for me were not spiritual ones, but a celebration of how well thousands of years of evolution have equipped us as a species.
My feelings of "one-ness" helped secure the bond between me and the tiny, goo-covered thing in my arms. That oxytocin overload ensures baby's survival by chemically inducing mommy to fall in love at first sight with baby. My natural birth experience allowed my body to take full advantage of the physical process that creates that intense emotional link.
Parenthood has so far left me with: 1. Appreciation and respect for my body, stretch marks and all 2. Confidence in myself as a woman 3. Renewed love and gratitude for my parents 4. A seemingly endless store of energy and 5. A strengthened resolve in my humanistic, secularist set of beliefs.
I think it is of the utmost importance to instill in my daughter a strong sense of right, justice, and charity. I will teach Dav to treat those around her with compassion and their beliefs with respect. I hope she feels the pull to act kindly and hold to her convictions because it is right and good to do so, not because there is an invisible hand waiting to punish or reward her. Though it may not be popular to say so, I hope she never puts blind faith in anything, but relies on reason and logic then acts with love and hope. That's all.
I am taking Dav's shift from bed to crib harder than she is. She happily naps in her little polka-dotted baby bed and spent more than half the night there last night. I find myself getting up repeatedly to "check" on her (she's only three feet away from me, how necessary could that be?) and trying to comfort her when she hasn't even really woken. I'm trying to learn the difference between normal night noises or rustling and her waking up and wanting me.
The sad thing is I WANT her to be waking up and wanting me because I love having her in bed snuggled up to me. She likes it in the bed with us because the little monster can nurse without even waking me up (she mastered that around 2.5 months). We're just starting the transition in earnest, and I hope it goes smoothly for the both of us.
On a happier note, Dav got her second tooth today. She certainly seems to be giving off an air of relief now that her gums are having a little break, though I can see a few more bumps in her mouth that tell me this respite will be seriously short lived.
Also, she did not react well to the oatmeal-y stuff I made for her. Maybe I should have done rice flour first. Oh, well. I'm thinking sweet potatoes and then green beans will be our next steps.
A big thanks to those of you who are following me on facebook and commenting on here or there. I would really like this to be more discussion than monologue, so keep it up!
Now I'm going to go and take pictures of my little bear because she looks really cute in her monkey top, prefold and leg warmers. My trigger finger's a little bit itchy!
Modern mamas seem to me to be at a disadvantage compared to our more historic counterparts. I know this isn't a new discussion, but it's fairly new one to me.
That old saying (from where ever it's from) "It takes a village" and the sentiment behind it are so lost in this culture. Moms who, by choice or circumstance, are home with their kids can be so isolated and overworked. For me, at least - and for a lot of us I'm guessing - we feel the pressure to be "on the job" 24/7 while our spouses/partners/babydaddies go to their jobs and come home and get to feel that "off the clock" relief. What I do for the eight hours J is at his job is HARD WORK. Taking care of a little one while simutaneously trying to make certain that there is edible food in the house, a clean shirt to put on, and a clear walking path to the couch can be really draining.
Add to all of that the extra drain on time and energy that goes with breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babyfood making, and attachment parenting (and ALL that goes with AP), and I feel exhausted by the time I'm no longer the only adult in the house. I'm not complaining, I just think choosing to put in the extra effort to do what I feel is the absolute best for my kid deserves a little acknowledgement. Not from society at large, as I'm aware that most of them either look down on or just plain don't "get" why I parent the way I do. Certainly coming from J it would mean a lot, but even that's not what I'm talking about.
I would love to feel understood and heard by other women in my situation. The first year of parenthood seems to be such a singular experience, and I think we need more ways for like-minded people going through it to share time and experience together. think that it's something we as mothers deserve and as women strong enough to parent conscientiously should be pushing for. Well, that's all for today. Have a good one y'all!
Yesterday afternoon, I bought $5.34 worth of organic produce. I now have a month's worth of homemade baby food in my freezer! Not to mention Dav happily ate her whole serving of avocado. It makes me happy and breaks my heart all at once.
Next up on the agenda will be oat flour cooked in breast milk to make a kind of warm cereal. I want to have a base that i can try mixing stronger flavored foods into for her. I'm also going to look into buying a yogurt maker, hopefully this week, so that I can make some mama juice yogurt. I'm ready for her 6 month well check so I can ask pedi about a couple of foods I'd like to try with her, but I'm worried she's a little too young for. I want to give her kale, lentils, and lamb, but I want to make sure it's alright before I go for it.
I really want to work at keeping her iron levels up without supplemental vitamins. If I can get her eating meat, that would definitely help. Lamb is one of the most easily digested meats, so I'm thinking that's the protein to go with. Kale is also a good source of iron (a well as calcium and vitamin C) but I am slightly concerned about the nitrite issue. Lentils are packed with vitamins and minerals, and would be a great base for mixing with meat to make the texture more palatable but can sometimes cause painful gas in babies. Guess I'll just have to wait one more week to find out!
