I'm sitting here trying to understand the logic behind letting a baby "cry it out" and really not getting it.
Were I as a grown woman to be ignored by someone, say Babydaddy J for instance, I wouldn't have a lot of trust for him. If in the moments that I was asking for help or attention he simply ignored me, I imagine I would start to feel insignificant and unloved, and I believe it could really hurt my confidence. On the other hand, if he behaves lovingly and is attentive to me, I feel more secure in our relationship and have faith in our ability to keep an appropriate level of independence from each other while still maintaining our connection.
So, why do so many expect a little baby who knows nothing except for how much she wants her mom or dad (or some other loving presence) to hold and comfort her, to be benefitted by being left for even a short while to cry alone? What exactly do people think they are teaching that baby?
We're supposed to believe that the baby is being taught to self soothe to sleep. I don't buy that for one second. I believe baby is being taught that to express his most basic needs is useless, and neither mom or dad can be trusted to respond. Babies cry to communicate, and eventually they stop crying not because they've miraculously become good sleepers (a term I take serious issue with), but because they've learned that their attempts at communicating are going to be ignored.
Until Dav showed me she was ready for and wanted more space, she had been in physical contact with me probably 75% of the time, including naps taken in arms or being worn, bed sharing at night, co-showering, and being worn while I was getting stuff done. Not to mention all of the playtime we share. She still nurses on demand (about every two hours awake and as often as she needs at night) and nurses down to sleep every night that she wants to and for most naps. She has every cry responded to immediately. She is firmly attached to me, and it has already made her really adventurous, confident, and easy going.
Having a baby and becoming a mother is a choice. Our children don't asked to be brought into this world, so it's our jobs as parents to take care of and attend to our babies. The first year of a baby's life is hard, harder than I think any first time parent can expect, and I can't imagine it gets easier anytime soon after. Be a grown up, suck it up. If you can't deal with taking care of a baby, don't have one.
For the last ten and a half months, my home has been a big pile of toys and laundry, I've probably averaged 2.5 showers a week, I've gotten about three hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time, and I have learned to celebrate putting on a pair of pants that don't have a drawstring before noon as a serious victory. So sure, from the outside it probably looks like a big, ol' mess, but my baby bear is one of the happiest, healthiest, most independent babies I've ever seen. That's enough to make me feel like SuperMom right there.
Were I as a grown woman to be ignored by someone, say Babydaddy J for instance, I wouldn't have a lot of trust for him. If in the moments that I was asking for help or attention he simply ignored me, I imagine I would start to feel insignificant and unloved, and I believe it could really hurt my confidence. On the other hand, if he behaves lovingly and is attentive to me, I feel more secure in our relationship and have faith in our ability to keep an appropriate level of independence from each other while still maintaining our connection.
So, why do so many expect a little baby who knows nothing except for how much she wants her mom or dad (or some other loving presence) to hold and comfort her, to be benefitted by being left for even a short while to cry alone? What exactly do people think they are teaching that baby?
We're supposed to believe that the baby is being taught to self soothe to sleep. I don't buy that for one second. I believe baby is being taught that to express his most basic needs is useless, and neither mom or dad can be trusted to respond. Babies cry to communicate, and eventually they stop crying not because they've miraculously become good sleepers (a term I take serious issue with), but because they've learned that their attempts at communicating are going to be ignored.
Until Dav showed me she was ready for and wanted more space, she had been in physical contact with me probably 75% of the time, including naps taken in arms or being worn, bed sharing at night, co-showering, and being worn while I was getting stuff done. Not to mention all of the playtime we share. She still nurses on demand (about every two hours awake and as often as she needs at night) and nurses down to sleep every night that she wants to and for most naps. She has every cry responded to immediately. She is firmly attached to me, and it has already made her really adventurous, confident, and easy going.
Having a baby and becoming a mother is a choice. Our children don't asked to be brought into this world, so it's our jobs as parents to take care of and attend to our babies. The first year of a baby's life is hard, harder than I think any first time parent can expect, and I can't imagine it gets easier anytime soon after. Be a grown up, suck it up. If you can't deal with taking care of a baby, don't have one.
For the last ten and a half months, my home has been a big pile of toys and laundry, I've probably averaged 2.5 showers a week, I've gotten about three hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time, and I have learned to celebrate putting on a pair of pants that don't have a drawstring before noon as a serious victory. So sure, from the outside it probably looks like a big, ol' mess, but my baby bear is one of the happiest, healthiest, most independent babies I've ever seen. That's enough to make me feel like SuperMom right there.